blueruin

2006-10-16T11:51:00.000+08:00

ive been looking through these eyes of black and white for far too long.
will my life be long enough to see the things i want to see
i believe the world is just too big for me
every cloud that passes by
is another cloud ill never see
mabe i just try too hard to uderstand all of these things

this time its just a blink of an eye
im closer to the world we were never meant to see
so dont hang on to anything at all
all the things we had
and all the people we have known
will fade away way rtoo fast intro the deep
the memories of what we had are all we have left in the end.

so the "single" life feels free and easy today.
kind of a laid back, sunday feeling.
love sundays.
its my favourite day
bet noone knew that.

"its a shame that we've lost so many things that will never be the same again
but it doesnt matter anymore anyways."

2006-10-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

and i dont deserve this.
if i had just one bullet and a trigger, i'd pull it
SHOOT MY CUPID
out of the sky break off his wings and ask him to fly
he's playing some sick joke on the fool that is me
he's cursed me with a sickness

marie marie, im so glad youre smiling again.
and daryl thanks for putting my stuff back at my place.
im tired.

2006-10-09T19:44:00.000+08:00

walking in fields of gold.

i dont know why but the sponge bob theme song is stuck in my head.
"are you ready kids?" it sort of just popped up in my head.
it's been interrupting my conversations online. i cant concentrate.

school today was really good. i payed good attention and actually learnt new things
joel still had to help me out and he even called me LAZY.
which i'm not by the way. well i was but as you know (cause ive already told you), i'm on the road to self-improvement.
oh yeah. he even gave me a dollar cause ive got seven bucks to last me two weeks.
i wish carmen had agreed to give me fifty cents. although that dollar was good enough. it got me some chips and water.
thanks friend!

everyone donate the the ally's broke fund please.
all proceeds go to a very starving me.

okay okay so i dont need it as much as the kids in africa. being broke just got a whole lot easier.

MOTIVATION!
my motivation has arrived. it was about 615 during my d.i. consultation when it all hit me.
fell right on top of me. totally squished me.
MOTIVATION. its a big thing.

this morning kace and i were supposed to go for mass cause i really reaaaalllyyy wanted to go.
so he agreed to wake up at six to go with me.
AND THEN. at six my alarm rings.
so i put it on snooze like four times.
it's like i was having involuntary spasms.
then i get a phone call and i answer it.
"baby, are we still going?"

my thought exactly - er...

then after that we both went back to sleep.
i wanted to go this evening but kace said we'll go tomorrow at seven.
i couldnt have made it back in time today anyway.

so on the recent note or the arrival of my motivation... i smell food.

2006-10-09T00:15:00.000+08:00

bah bah black sheep.

motivation hasn't found me yet.
i'm still waiting for it's arrival.
seems it's lost it's way on the way over here.
i'm sure i prayed for some last night.
where's my motivation.

do my work do my work do my work.
i shouldnt have to be telling myself this.
i wish singapore were less hot and hazy and humid.
cause then maybe i'll stop feeling so uncomfortable all the time and start focussing properly.

2006-10-07T22:12:00.000+08:00

i need some motivation. all i can think of right now is "what am i gonna wear tomorrow?" , which is usually what i think about on satuurday nights. cause if i dont my whole cupboard will be on my floor tomorrow which will be hard to clean up. so since im not willing to put all my clothes back on their hangers i shall think of what to wear. oh wait! i forgot about my motivation. yes motivation. i need some? know anywhere i can get some? cause i ned some, i dooo. im hinking i'll start on monday. but thats only cause i believe ssundays are for doing things that are fun in the sun.

last thursday at d.i. class we were given our assignment. so joel looks at me and says, " oh no. ally. we have to work hard." it still makes me laugh. hard work means good grades which is what i have yet to accheive. now our similar gpa score tells me and joel that we havent been working hard enough. so im gonna try harder. he doesnt need to ry cause hes like the photoshop guru which really frustrates me. although i do have certain advantages cause sitting with him in class means he does my work sometimes. i just have to say " hey why isnt it working". okay im kidding i dont do it on purpose. cross my heart. i wrote down my things to do in my notebook when i got back from photography class this afternoon, and i did some stuff but then dhini got al agitated that she wasnt absorbing anything she was reading so we came back to my room and talked till she had to leave. so right now i could choose to do everything tomorrow. or i could just do it now.

i think ill do it later. ill just stay up.

okay so thats done. no outings till my work is done. i dont wanna go to the zoo cause its all hazy anyways.

love of mine
someday you will die
but ill be close behind
to follow you into the dark

2006-10-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

okay firstly im not a whore cause i dont sleep with boys.
and so i am sorry to inform you frederick, that you need to go to a bookstore and get a dictionary.
and secondly, i have no idea what youre talking about.
and i dont know who you are.
so while im minding my own business, go mind yours?
thanks a bunch for your kind advice though.
dont worry i wont be a whore and i will mind my own f u c king business.
peace in the middle east.

no need to beat anyone up joel
its all good in the neighbourhood.

2006-10-07T19:27:00.000+08:00

zao an wu an wan shang hao!
i have to improve my chineese speaking skills before i can get a job.
which i really need cause i have five dollars to last me three weeks.
i called jocelyn today to ask her if i could work for her
and she said something in chinese to me and i was like pardon?
"ah see you fail the test"
err. ok.

goodbye my zoo friends.

i went for class with simone this morning.
then dhini called and came over.
today was fun and hazy.
i also got some work done so im feeling less stressed out.

i just realised today's saturday.

2006-10-04T23:48:00.000+08:00

smile like you mean it!

hello everyone meet sullie. he's bored and unhappy cause hes got no friends. HAHA.

i got up bright and early this morning all ready to go to school and pay attention in video class. so i got ready and hopped in the car. off to school! i got to school and my friend says "look aat the door there's a surprise there for you" so i look and this is what i saw "Sorry to inform you that your teaher is on mc" so i said oh okay and felt really sad on the inside. but that wasnt gonna get me down! i called joel and carmen who werent there yet and told them id meet them at the bus stop. so we all sat down and decided that we wanna go to town. when we got to town we went for lunch. i had some fruit and fell asleep at the table. then we walked around and got some ice cream and went to far east. closet affair was closed to i said to carmen that i bet its rese's day to work thats why theyre not opened yet. and true enough! it was. i missed lantern festival (thanks to james) . anyway, after we left closet it wastime to get bak to school for d.i. which we were late for AGAIN. half an hour too. d.i. was crazy on my left, joel finished everything really quick then helped carmen and i. on my right, carmen kept asking me "eh why is it like that" then i try to figure it out and ask joel " eh howcome i cant get it" and then he tells us what to do. it came to a point where carmen and i were laughing so hard that the lecturer thought it was funny too and joined in. tinky tinky tinky. after d.i. i rushed down to city hall for photo class and gothome at eleven and now i want to sleep but i just ate. so i cant. god dammit.

2006-10-02T00:02:00.000+08:00

my dad hates tattoos. he hates them so much that he just spent a whole five minutes insulting them. he thinks that everyone who gets a tattoo will regret it in ten years. so when i get one i'll wait ten years and see if i hate myself. and if i dont, i'll let him know so maybe he can change his perspective on it.

so today started out with me feeling like im gonna conquer the day,but when i got around to trying to do that, it all blew up in my face. but then, kc and i make up and it's all good in the neighbourhood. i do miss dhini though. missed out on some good advice today.

i dont feel like blogging anymore. maybe i'll come back later.

2006-10-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

2006-10-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY!

2006-09-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

practice your smile in the mirror
make sure you've got it perfect before you leave tomorrow

the last two days have been lower than low and tomorrow's sunday.
it was supposed to be zoo day and i was looking forward to it so much for a whole week.
unfortunately i learnt of something that set me off so bad that i couldn't think straight and cancelled it.
but tomorrow's a new day and in consideration of how i've been spending the last two days
i've decided to face the day without anyb hard feelings or doubt.
and it doesnt matter if i don get to go to the zoo, although i would really really really reeeee-aaa-lll-yyy like to. really really.
the zoo makes me remember happy things.
enough about the zoo, i'm starting school on monday, and i promise not to get distracted this time. i cross my heart and hope to die.

"Andy the plant is in your mouth la!"

2006-09-30T07:56:00.000+08:00

Good morning Nat. Rise and shine!
Hello world, it's 0738 hrs and Rese and I haven't slept a wink. Nat however has been sleeping since about an hour or two ago. And so our plan to watch the sunsrise has been spoil-ed.

My eyes are two different shapes and sizes. Not to mention colours. No, not pretty. Therese is playing dress-uup by herself. (haha) Hello Rese. Okay bye. I'm tired and i need to make my eyes the same size before i go out. On second thought, i don't really care anymore. Bye kids.

2006-09-30T06:44:00.000+08:00

thank you Rese! happy slumber party day.

2006-09-30T00:04:00.000+08:00

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

my beautiful rescue(s)

2006-09-29T02:35:00.000+08:00

goodmorning blogspot.com
i tried sleeping but it didn't work.
so im gonna watch movies and talk to nat.

2006-09-29T00:04:00.001+08:00

do you think that if someone tried too hard to be something they're not,
they'd forget who they were to begin with?
and how would that person know who he/she was if they never took the time to find out?
what if they were spending too much of their time trying to look different, or sound different.
what if they tried too hard to be a different person.
what if they tried too hard and didn't know the way back?

You promised, always&forever. says
hey ho

You promised, always&forever. says
lets go!

wolf in sheeps clothing. says
where are we going

You promised a dream. says
toooo seee the wizard of oz!

wolf in sheeps clothing. says
alright so where's that

You promised a dream. says
i dont know yet

Alright Dhini, when you find out where he lives be sure to let me know a.s.a.p. cause i have a few things to ask him for.

I've just made the decision to type in proper english (English?) to try and improve myself. Yes folks, i'm on the road to self-improvement. You know, i can't think of anything else to say here. This always happens. It's like i don't have a train of thought. It's like i just have a carriage, and the rest of it's just not there. Here's an example. Today when Rese asked me who was sitting at my table at Feast Day, i couldn't remember. I think i might be ageing a little too fast.

Rese Rese Rese. We were talking about our families and our lives as usual today, when we discovered we have too much in common. " Oh my God Ally i think i finally found my evil twin" Yes but i'm not evil. Or at least i'd like to think so. Tweet Tweet. I think my Birdie ring is gnna break. I was fiddling with it just now at Simone's Granny's wake, and it felt a little strange. That thing cost me a lot of money so it better stay intact a little longer than i expect it to.

OKAY well Alvin just told me he's the Boodest. I'd be happy for him but i don't know what that is. He meant to say Goodest, which i don't agree to. (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

I want to talk about today. I slept at seven in the morning today cause mooncake and chocolates, Rese and Leslie kept me wide awake the entire night, during which i made cut my hair on impulse and regret it very very much. See, i tend to do ridiculously stupid things when i'm awake at night all by myself. It sets a sort of "so what? noones looking" kind of an environment, which is really bad if you wanna wake up looking normal. So much for the greatness of night time. It just gave me a bad hair cut and dark circles. I can actually say that i'm a sad panda. My skin's looking better though. I also took the liberty of passing on my new-found knowledge of skincare to Andy who was at Starbucks with the rest of us today. I don't think he was listening too hard though. I doubt he even remembers what i said. You know, i forget why i try sometimes. Andy has a big bite mark on his right cheek. It looks like someone gave him a hicky there, but it's actually cause his dog bit him. Good on you Emo! yes the dog's name is Emo. Donn and Andy named him that because he has "emo" hair. You know, i wanna see this dog.

Anyway, i'm off.
Peace in the Middle-East.

2006-09-29T00:04:00.000+08:00

2006-09-28T03:25:00.000+08:00

its past three and i'm still fresh as a daisy. i think it might have been the mooncake i ate. cause those have lots of sugar in them yeah i got a "see la you've got too much sugar in your system" from kace just now cause i'm sleeping late. but anyway, i think people need to learn how to appreciate the wonders of night time. wake up and feel the freedom of nooone hogging the telly, or no cars on the street. its a pretty good time to be awake. or at least i think so. i dont appreciate the dark colour under my eyes though. really makes the whole " night time is cool " thing a little iffy. you know tv at this time of night really sucks too. positivity - night time is cool. alright, so im not tired and i've got a busy day tomorrow. fan fan lily pan.

NatSetsFire says: (3:14:18 AM)
didjoo get your lj?

NatSetsFire says: (3:14:19 AM)
hahaha

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:14:28 AM)
no cause i dont know what to name it yet.

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:14:28 AM)
haha

NatSetsFire says: (3:16:19 AM)
yayyy

NatSetsFire says: (3:16:24 AM)
peekshurezzz

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:16:37 AM)
hahaha.

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:16:43 AM)
nat!

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:16:48 AM)
pookie.

NatSetsFire says: (3:16:59 AM)
haha

NatSetsFire says: (3:17:03 AM)
so have you made your lj yet?!

NatSetsFire says: (3:17:04 AM)
hahahha

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:17:35 AM)
NO

wolf in sheeps clothing. says: (3:17:42 AM)
CAUSE I DONT KNOW A NAME FOR IT!!

okay seriously, nats a tweenie.
such a tweenie. you know,
i hear they have like a five second memory.
sad isn't it.

okay i gotta get back to watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. now.
you know, i wonder why they spell it that way.
is every letter supposed to mean something?
anyway, toodleloo.

2006-09-27T16:56:00.000+08:00

i came into my room and sat down for about five seconds before it started feeling like i was sitting in a sauna.
the weather here really annoys me. anyway, nat's on her way over and i haven't told her this yet but we're gonna go sign up for a video ezy card and watch a few movies. i figured she could come over since she's got no more school. i also want to get something from watsons at gardens so we'll be making a quick trip there and back. should i also get a hair cut? hair cut hair cut. well i know i need one but should i go get one today? i thiinkkkk iiii should. well okay! i'll go get a hair cut. goodbye kiddies.

this is for simone's grandma who just passed on.
please pray for her alright?
cause we want her to go to heaven as quickly as possibly possible.

2006-09-27T03:52:00.000+08:00

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2006-09-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

it says 1:10 AM on my computer clock, and 1:24 AM on my phone

and i just want to say, that sleep is overrated only until you look like you should be living under a bridge.

i'd show you a picture but i think i'll spare myself the humiliation.

2006-09-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

sometimes i forget to breathe
it gets easier when the darkness fades
and the white light shines through the glass again

okay so school starts on monday - i think
and im in basic video and digital imaging.
school's from nine to six so thats not too bad.
i would tell you the names of my lecturers but i forgot them.
i'm pretty sure however, that one of their names starts with an "s".

goodie goodie gum drop.

school's starting and my boredom which is this week will end.
something else that'll be keeping me busy is the photography class Simone and i are starting this friday night.
i'm like so excited i just cant hide it 0.o

so tomorrow i'm going for lunch with Simone and Lizzie who's having a big - MAJOR op. in a few weeks. Simone and i have sworn to be at her bedside, doing her the favour of eating solid foods on her behalf - sorry liz.
but anyways im sure it'll go well and everything will be back to normal after that, except for the way liz will look ofcourse. i cant wait! not that you arent pretty enough lizzie - big cheesy smile.
love you either way.

now i just have to say something to marie.

" go out! have fun! embrace your womanhood!"

2006-09-23T14:56:00.000+08:00

happy feast day everybody
my hair is a big fat mess and i've given up on trying to do something about it by myself, so i'm going to meet Dhini in a bit. I'm leaving my hair to the professionals. Anyway, i'm in the process of painting my nails so typing this is taking a really long time. I won't be singing with the choir this year but i'm happy i get to sit with my babies - haven't done that in a while. I miss attending mass with them, although they can cause quite a racket sometimes. Okay bye.

2006-08-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

in three days time im leaving for australia
and im trying my hardest to see everyone before i go
today i spent breakfast with alvin and nicole
well they spent the morning and i came late as usual, sorry guys.
but it was fun even though alvin makes me want to smack him
wow, its been a while since i've called him by his name.
i'd usually adress him as barney :)

so we had breakfast and watched nicole studying for about an hour before she gave up and we all went to seven eleven so that i could top up my bus card. i bought some ice cream too but it spilled all over my toes and barney had a good laugh. nicole just told me it was typical. which it is, but it really was an accident. so we were wandering around serangoon gardens aimlessly when i got a phone call that made my day. RESE! she wanted to go see click which i was dying to see too; it's a great movie by the way. after the movie we walked wround bishan and saw some things we liked. too bad we didnt have any money though. when we ran out of shop--s to go into we sat at the playground in junction8 because we were freezing. but then we decided to walk around again, realising later that bishan is SO so so boring. we vowed never to go back there to see a movie. over all it was a good day.

thank you for the picture rese :)

i just got a call from kace
caracal's meeting ran long over the time we thought it would so we didnt meet up today
kace said he was gonna go to sleep and we both put down the phone
and then five minutes later i geet a call from him. he went to wash his face so he'd be awake.
anyways there might be a gig on the 30th of september
i'm proud of caracal's progress, and dont worry kc just cause im not in singapore doesnt mean that you wont have support during your N's.
and i have a surprise for you...
see you tomorrow bubby.

night everyone.

2006-08-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

you said that we'll be one soul
but what if i dont feel that i'm good enough
what if i could paint a prettier picture for you to live within
what if someone else could
will everything we believe still be believable five years from now
can i trust myself
can i trust my heart

there's so much i would say right now but theres no way i could let any of it leave the privacy of my mind
i sometimes wish i could take myself apart and perfect the pieces before i put them back together again
i want to, but i can't.

what i see is not what i want to.
i want to see something different
i want to feel something different

i want to be different.
so different.

maybe if i closed my eyes and tried not to listen, i'd disappear.

am i gone yet.

2006-08-17T02:09:00.000+08:00

everything ive done the past week has been uninspired or not good enough
and quite frankly, im on the brink of giving up on these last few assignments cause i cant really think anymore
maybe im just tired.

nat left yesterdy.
i slept for two hours and went to see her off.
then i went jamming and then home.
even jamming to me today was not up to standard, sorry guys.

im gonna sleep and try again tomorrow.
i dont mind redoing this module.
cause right now im not producing work that im proud of.
and i guess i could if i just stopped procrastinating or over analysing my situation, which isnt bad at all by the way
im just so, so tired.
i can hardly keep up half a day
today i fell asleep on kcs couch and woke up on his bed th the wonderful sound effects of dota.
even when im awake im not... well not really awake.
i need to go to sleep now.

eh sage, PUEH!

2006-08-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

will i leave here with you?

i feel like the world is spinning way too fast and i cant
find something to hold onto to keep from falling off.

2006-08-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

close my eyes
count to ten
spin around
over and over again
spill my guts
take a seat
help you up
onto your feet
fall away
from myself
say its fine
keep it in
itll go away
itll go away.

2006-08-05T00:08:00.001+08:00

im really tired.
just came back from the wgb album launch and the gig was really good
caracal played a awesome set and wgb was good too.
spent a day shopping with rese so im happy tonight
i reserved a ring that i was forced to take home without paying 0.o
haha. anyway ill be paying probably on monday since tomorrows out and sunday is jamming day.

bad thing that happened today was that i walked home alone and it was freaky deaky
like i avoid doing that at all costs but i guess i have to grow up sometime huh
noones gonna take me home when im all grown up so i might as well just learn.
besides.
this teaches me a valuable lesson
LEARN TO DRIVE.

i wish i learned so many things i learnt in the past month a year ago so i could make better decisions.
but i guess its too late for that and now i have to stop thinking and doing which is really hard cause i dont want to do this.
i dont.
okay im gonna like.. shower and learn how to priotitise.
bye!

i want it back, the simple love we shared.

2006-08-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS TO FEEL LIKE RUNNING UNTIL YOU FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WANT TO SCREAM SO LOUD YOUR STOMACH HURTS
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WANT SO BAD TO DO SOMETHING BUT INSTEAD YOU CHOOSE TO SIT AND LOOK AT THE PATTERNS ON THE WALL
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO KNOW FOR A LONG TIME THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG AND THAT IF YOU STOPPED IT OR IF YOU LEFT AND NEVER LOOOKED BACK THEN YOUD BE ALRIGHT
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO THINK A THOUSAND DIFFERENT THOUGHTS ON HOW IT WAS YOUR FAULT
AND THEN TELL YOURSELF THAT IT WASNT
DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WAIT, AND WAIT FOR SOMETHING
ONLY TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN YOURSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE YOURE SO WEAK AND PATHETIC
YOU KNOW YOU DONT NEED IT.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE WITHOUT IT
BUT NO.
IT KEEPS COMING BACK AND YOU WANT TO TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF SO YOU DONT HAVE TO THINK ANYMORE.
YOU WANT TO SCREAM AND HIT YOURSELF SO HARD YOU DONT HAVE TO HEAR OR SEE OR WANT OR NEED CAUSE YOU WONT BE THERE ANYMORE.
YOU WANT TO BE WHERE YOU WERE WHEN YOU FELT HAPPY
YOU WANT TO RUN INTO THE ARMS OF THE PEOPLE THAT GAVE YOU THAT HAPPINESS AND SECURITY
LOVE THAT YOUVE NEVER BEEN MORE THANKFUL FOR
BUT YOU WOONDER IF ITS STIL THERE
YOU WONDER WHY THINGS HAVE CHANGED SO MUCH AND YOU WONDER WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BECAUSE YOURE SEEING IT ALL TOO LATE
OR ARE YOU WRONG AGAIN?
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME YOURE JUST SO FUCKING DUMBSTRUCK AND STUPID
YOURE FINE... YOURE FINE.
AND AGAIN YOU ASK YOURSELF
WHY.
YOU ASK FUCKIG WHY AND THERES NO ANSWER RIGHT..
CAUSE NOONE KNOWS YOUR QUESTION
YOU HARDLY EVEN COMPREHEND WHATS ON YOUR MIND HALF THE TIME CAUSE THERES JUST TOO FUCKING MUCH
YOU LAUGH AND SMILE AND PLAY BUT IT ALL COMES CRASHING DOWN ON YOU WHEN YOU HAVE TO LEAVE TO COME TO A PLACE YOUD RATHER DIE THAN TO BE IN BECAUSE NOONE IS LISTENING THERE
NOONE IS WATCHING TO PROTECT YOUR FALL
NOONE IS WAITING TO LEND A SHOULDER
NOT THE WAY I NEED IT
NONT THE WAY YOUR FRIENDS COULD..
NOT THE WAY YOUR BESTFRIENDS COULD
NO CAUSE THEYRE PRESENCE IS MERE MAGIC
WHEN THEY WALK IN YOU LIGHT UP AND THE WHOLE ROOM GLOWS
THERES TOO MUCH.

hello everyone today was a great day cause i spent it with hetty and it was really fun jo came along too and she pierced her lip cause she likes it so i guess i cant really say anything right anyway im pretty shook up cause im nervous and i couldnt stop laughing today till hetty got angry cause i couldnt sing properly it came out all sqeuuky and strange haha but anyway i think we made progress cause we sound better and hetty's cool yup andim glad that i got to spend time with the people i love so much

also rese called to ask if we could meet for lunch and shopping tomorrow which saved the day really it just made my day complete plus i havent seen her for so long so like yah

and i mean i can put everything else on hold for no geed reason right cause i dont have to care i dont have to care cause it doesnt matter it doesnt matter cause it doesnt hurt so i dont have to think about it too much this week or next i dont have to stay up and wonder whats wrong i dont have to hate my dreams i dont have to cry or scream or hit something no i dont because it doesnt matter i just want the floor to swallow me whole but thats only cause well i dont know haha so anyway i pray jesus will send me something good soon and im sorry i didnt go for mass so many times im sorry i stopped going for weekly mass because its wrong haahahahhahaha and phonecalls are overrated anyway i mean why do people care so much right

so long folks

live good and eat healthy

2006-07-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

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2006-07-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

nice day.
hot boys
good friends
good wine
good gig
good movie
good food good bed good sleep.

came home.
bad night
bad mood
bad taste
bad nails
bad dreams

wake up.

2006-07-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

stop falling asleep on me
stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it
STOP IT.

2006-07-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

thank you everyone for making my birthday special (:
you'll are very creative.

haha.

anyway i went to clarke quay by myself
cause.. well i wont say why.
cause then i wont be able to stop typing.

and it so very conveniently turned dark at three pm in the DAY WHEN CLARKE QUAY|IS SO FAR AWAY AND SO HOT AND MY CAMERA IS HEAVY.
AND THEN IT STARTED TO RAIN
so i sat in the dumb tunnel by myself.
what a joy it is to sit in a tunnel all by yourself looking at your feet.
yay.
so it turned to a drizzle and i ran all over the place trying to get photos then to the bus stop to go to nicoles house.
jzsdga efnbks.zrtnjj.

dumb rain.

and then this sick boy had to tell me some sick thing and now i want to nail wooden boards to my window and hide forever.
ugh.

oh yeah.
great knowing the choice some people made today.
dont now about them
but it sure says a lot to me.
i dont want to disscuss this by the way.
ever.

2006-06-30T02:36:00.000+08:00

not yourself
you look the same but your eyes are different some how
your gaze at me is not the same as before
your tone and your temper are beyond my understanding
what happened
was i gone too long
was i not meant to return
you leave
you leave
you abandon us
you abandon me
i dont know you
youre a stranger.

still, i wouldnt be here if i didnt think you were worth my while.

here's another sleepless night
dedicated to you
enjoy the attention so you cant say i didnt give you any.
cause i do.
AND this blog is fucky and tomorrow ill feel fucking dumb and retarded for putting it all here
and then ill delete it
yes you dont understand me
who the fuck cares
i dont
learn
LEARN EVERYDAY
learn
cause im learning.
and im trying.
hanging up and turning it off will help nothing.
you dont wanna hear what i have to tell you, fine.
at least i have things to say.

i dont need another to be happy
or free
or capable
in the end everyone's on their own
ive been fighting for the wrong thing.
ive been fighting too hard.

2006-06-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

i cant wait to see hetty and nicole tommorrow!!!
and then i will go home and start my homework.

HEFFALUMP.

2006-06-26T15:25:00.000+08:00

had a good day with rese the other day.
we sat down and couldnt stop talking.
i had so much more to say but i had to go.
i hope to see her soon..
anyways im supposed to go back to school to submit something but my stomach is killing me.
so if its a D then so be it.
tampinese is on another continent and i need to go lie down.

2006-06-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

i'll be thankful for our trials.
i'll be thankful for your unwillingness to give up.
i'll be thankful for our closeness
and i'll be thankful for your ability to forgive.
my love, my best friend.

2006-06-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

Get out of the car, and don't try and stop me
Stay where you are, 'cause there you can't hurt me
You took things too far, and I don't deserve this

You said that you'd be, you'd always be honest
And mean what you say, but you broke every promise
That you ever made, and I don't deserve this

If I had just one bullet, and a trigger I'd pull it
Shoot my cupid out of the sky
Break off his wings, and gouge out his eyes
And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me
Your love is my heart disease

Don't try and call, I'm not going to answer
I'm not going to fall for another disaster
That you put me through, and I don't deserve this

If I had just one bullet, and a trigger I'd pull it
Shoot my cupid out of the sky
Break off his wings and gouge out his eyes
And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me
Your love is my heart disease

I don't care anymore
Because without you I'm better off.

Shoot my cupid out of the sky
Break off his wings and gouge out his eyes
And thank him for nothing, 'cause that's all that he gave to me
Your love is my heart disease
Shoot my cupid out of the sky
Break off his wings and ask him just why
He played such a sick joke on the fool that is me
And curse me with this sickness
Your love is my heart disease.

2006-06-23T01:14:00.000+08:00

All alone
in the darknesss of my room
the sunlight bleeding through my blinds
like an angel's open wound
on the outside (i seem fine)
but on the inside (i'm not alright)
every decision that i make
just seems to be my worst mistake

away, away from everything that hurts
away from this pain i feel inside
struggling to bend these lips
into a smile i'll soon dismiss
my heart is not a place that i call home
i just want to be alone

still alone
in the darkness of my room
staring out between my blinds
watching the daylight be consumed
like the joy that (i once felt)
dealing with these (cards i'm dealt)
when they said that life's not fair
they must have seen me sitting here

it's funny how one moment can change everything
and in a second shatter every hope and dream you have
and leave you with an empty feeling you can't seem to fill
and empty space that only time might heal

breath in deep and fill this chest with something more, more than emptiness

2006-06-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taken everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
But your undecisive mind shows me that
You are "just another girl"
I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about this constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker

ALL HAIL THE HEARTBREAKER!

2006-06-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

i need you so much closer.

2006-06-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

when i try
you hang up and turn off the phone

well done.

i had a crappy day at school
first nancy makes everyone redo every bloody god damned thing
then i jam the fucking printer that eats up all my paper
then i forget to print two pictures
then i have to do all my other work too because blah fucking blah
and then my printer runs out of ink.
oh and on top of all that
i dont exist.
whoopee!

i went to mass with hetty nicole and jo.
then they folowed me back to my place.
thats the highlight of my day and im so glad to have them
so anyway right now im moodless.
goodbye.

2006-06-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

two hundred miles from home
two hundred miles beneath this lake is where my heart belongs
but you dont care at all
you wouldnt even smile if i was screaming as the water filled my lungs
you demand to be chased for your love
my desperate heart is far too weak
to run for you this long
but you dont care at all
theres nothing i can do
to draw you close to me

please be home tonight
i'll die if i dont get a chance to make this just right
im sorry but i cant forget about the way i feel everytime youre here

hopeless love, please leave me
this broken heart is far too weak to run for you this long
why dont you care at all
i'm dying for a place in your heart

i dont know if i can wait.
i'm so tired.

2006-06-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

like a saturday night, i'll be gone
like a saturday night, i'll be gone before you knew that i was there
so you wrote it down, i'm supposed to care
even though it's never there
sorry that i'm not prepared

IS IT HARD TO SEE THE THINGS YOU SUBSTITUTE FOR ME
and all my thoughts of you
it's eating me alive to leave you.

when you try your best but you dont secceed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you cant sleep
stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you're losing something you cant replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will tryto fix you.

high up above and down below
when youre too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know just what youre worth

lights wll guide me home.

i'd write a whole bunch of songs here to make me feel better
but im not gonna.
wowza.

be careful where you stand my love.
be careful where you lay your head.

you know, i love you so.

2006-06-21T00:29:00.000+08:00

all we ever wanted was love, in love
and happy afternoons
watching tv from your room
while youre laying in my arms
but ive seen this love walk right through me.

where've you been for so long.

say that ive changed
say that im different
maybe i finally understand
say i've let go
say its obvious
oh i tell myself over, and over and over again
i'm ready, im ready
im ready to believe
tell me im strong
tell me im weak
tell me i never, never bend
well tell me im fire
tell me im cold
tell me well, i tell myself over, and over and over again
im ready, im ready
im ready to believe

cause i want to feel my heart
i want to feel my heart
i want to feel my heart

so tell me iim wrong
and tell me im rude
tell me i fight
tell me i fought for the wrong thing
i'm ready
i'm ready
i'm ready to believe.

new day tomorrow.
cant wait.

2006-06-20T18:41:00.000+08:00

ally took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feel..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

2006-06-20T01:26:00.000+08:00

the above picture is of two people who make my world go round.
and i think its bloody brilliant that we stuck by each other till today.
thank you guys so much for everything you've given me
and for still giving.
i love you always.
i know we're all growing up now and we've got a lot of stuff to do
but i have the confidence that after all the rubbish that's happened, we'll be just fine.
we'll make it through.

2006-06-20T01:15:00.000+08:00

maybe we tried too hard
and now everything fails in comparison
bring me back
to my past
where i can run and laugh and play
and we'd have time to lay down and stare at the sky
bring me back
to where the skies were blue and rain felt llike heaven
take me away from here and let me stay
take me away and help me breathe again

i wish i could catch my breath.

creative thinking is cancelled on wednesday and thursday so hetty and i are gonna go on two hawt dates together. and nicole is coming back on wednesday so she'll be joininng us for dinner. i've also got a date with jesus those days, because i have been neglecting him for quite some time now. i've been feeling really nostalgic lately. i miss 2003 2004 and 2005. i want to be right there again, with everyone, everyday. the best years of my life.. and somehow nothing feels as good as those years were, nothing at all. i wish someone would pluck me out of this tme and put me back there... please? cause even though i like school and i like the people there, noone and nothing will compare to the things and the people that i had the incredible chance to experience and be with in those years. i hope that the year to come will be good. cause im missing the old days, im missing them too much.

2006-06-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

2006-06-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

okay angelina and i were talking about how the tp design people only get like eight weeks of vacation while the rest get eighteen?
my lack of holidays will someday get to me and slowly turn me inside out. i'll be all pale and stupid from a lack of human. contact outside the confines of my dead house, doing my homework.. i'll be tired from not getting a break and my exhaustion will show in the lines on my face. i'll grow old and grey just looking at the multiple amount of things i hav to do by the next day
everybody, i'm gonna go insane.

i want more holidays.
and in december i get a week off which is i guess reasonable since my brother didnt have any holidays in december last year.
i guess i'll just enjoy the upcoming break and make the most of my time with my friends. nothing much we can do about it anyway. goodbye. i shall go be bored while smelly boys sit in front of the tv set screaming at it. idiots.

2006-06-16T00:04:00.000+08:00

i have decided to throw away all the things that make me feel anything less than happy
and start a new life.

hurray.

2006-06-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

theres all this junkaround me and i want so much to clean it up
but every five seconds i have to blow my nose
and i dont know where to start cleaning
sherri wanted to come over and im feeling like i should have told her to cause im feeling a leetle lonely
being stuck at home alone for a whole week isnt very nice.
id rather be in school with everyone else
god knows i'd feel so much better there
I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL
ok so ive completed my work for one class but not the other.
nancy pancy says we'll talk about it tomorrow so okay, i'll just wait and see.
hopefully she doesnt flunk me or anything.
my vision is all foggy so i dont want to do anything right now except maybe sleep cause im tired cause my medicine makes me drowsy but i cant cause i have to blow my freaking nose.
im getting pretty annoyed
and i dont want to be sick again in my life cause it sucks
and i cant think of fifty puns and phrases or whatever cause i just cant..
or maybe i can and im not trying hard enough
jhsdtg.skjnhsrtnjdtykjm

SOMEONE HELP ME!!!@#$!

2006-06-11T07:19:00.000+08:00

i shouldnt have waited
i should have rested my head.
it was pointless and now i feel sick and tired
im raw from your emptiness towards me
im soar from your unloving tone and callous words
i wonder where youve gone
who you are and what youve done with your previous self
i wonder where i fit in
i wonder why i come after the rest of the things youve come to be committed to
or is that not what you said?
because if i am not wrong
your actions follow up with your words just right.
i wonder if i should go with my instinct and get off this rollercoaster ride.
for my feelings arent alright and neither am i.
but when i try to tell you you shove me further from you
im so far from home now..
and i cant find my way back to the front door.
i dont even have the strength to tell you anymore.

did i drive you aaway
i know what you'll say
you say oh, someone you know?

but i promise you this
i'll always look out for you
that's what i'll do.

2006-06-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

youre not the only one who cries..

you dont know me, you dont even care
you dont know me, you dont wear my chains

i think ill start a new life
i think im starting over, noone knows my name.

i think i need a sunrise, im tired of the sunset.

i have the attention span of a wooden plank and the memory of a goldfish and its really not doing me any good.
im tired from the time i get to school to the time i go to bed and my brain feels foggy all day.
i think the only time i dont feel that way is when i have my cup of coffee
but as we all know, ive been trying hard to kick that habit since last year.
unfortunately i cant because i need it.
of i cant focus, which means i end up re-doing all my assignments over the weekend anyway..
and that means less time with my friends and less time with kace.
less time with all these people has really been hard to accept.
at least i still get sunday lunches with you guys.. i really miss you.
being at school is really taking up a lot of my time..
but i must say being at tp has been a different experience altogether.
my secondary school attitude compared to this?
big difference.
sometimes i cant even believe that this is me.
the people in vsc are the most competitive that ive met so far.
i wonder what year two will be like.. interesting, im sure.
well, im off.

2006-06-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

learn to get along without you
learn to get along without you
learn to get along without you
learn to get along without you
learn to get along ithout you
learn to get along without you
i dont need to be thinking about it.
and now i wont.

maybe one day when you realise im alive i could tell you how it makes me feel.

2006-05-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

Cancer & Leo

When Cancer and Leo make a love match, they understand and know how to satisfy basic emotional needs within one another. Both these Signs require dedication and tender, loving care, but while Cancer seeks stability and emotional harmony, Leo craves heartfelt compliments and sincere admiration. Both are strongly loyal, even to the point of possessiveness, Cancer for safety's sake, Leo for the sake of their self-confidence. They are also both committed to a enduring, rewarding connection. Since their desires are similar, a Cancer and a Leo may fill very important voids in each other's lives.

Both Leo and Cancer prefer comfort and security, and they prefer both on a grand scale. Cancer and Leo enjoy a lovely home and a close-knit family. Leo provides the flair and the passion, and Cancer brings to the home a sensitive but intense instinct to nurture. Leo is the bigger and bolder and more vivid of this couple, the picture of majesty and status. Because both Signs are so strong-minded, these two must always work attentively to understand and accept one another.

The intense and emotional Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, while the bright, bold Sun (the Self) rules Leo. The Sun is about ego and self, radiating warmth and light, and vibrant Leo indeed radiates this kind of energy and enthusiasm. The Moon concerns itself with nurturing, with creating and maintaining emotional connections. This combination of masculine and feminine energy is why the Sun and the Moon adore and sustain one another other as they do. The Sun represents life, and The Moon cultivation and growth; as long as they are mindful of their inherent differences, their combination can be a positive one.

Cancer is a Water Sign, and Leo is a Fire Sign. Leo strives with an ardent energy toward praise and appreciation, while Cancer yearns more for security and stability. Both Signs like to take charge, but they come at a leadership role from very different directions. No small number of disputes can rise from this difference. As long as Cancer and Leo never take for granted their relationship, as long as they reassure one another in practical and romantic ways that this relationship is important to both of them, they can usually find a happy medium.

Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Leo is a Fixed Sign. Under stress, Leo becomes opinionated and stubborn, and Cancer can act as a subtle manipulative force. Cancer's the persistent initiator of shared plans, and Leo channels their energies and works doggedly to move plans to completion. If given the choice, the Crab would choose a calm and stable life, having no need for glamour or acclaim. Leo, on the other hand, loves to shake things up and embraces the unexpected and the novel. Though a Leo and a Cancer may commit emotionally to a relationship, each of them can continue to follow their natural instincts AND devote themselves thoroughly and completely to one another. If, however, they haven't made their love intentions clear to one another, they may find themselves on a never-ending emotional roller coaster ride. Cancer, hiding behind that innocent shell of theirs, can be the more quietly controlling of this pair and might -- to a degree -- manipulate their Leo loved one when it seems practical to do so.

What's the best aspect of the Cancer-Leo relationship? Their mutual commitment to a sincere relationship. Together this pair can share a supportive, positive and healthy vibe. People see them as a winning combination, and their mutual desire for a secure, loving relationship makes them strive for harmony

astrology is so not overrated.

2006-05-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

oh how i love travis barker.
i want to marry travis barker because he's such a hopeless romantic.
ugh i hate shanna.

2006-05-23T09:57:00.000+08:00

give me gravity
give me clarity
give me something to rely on.

2006-05-21T15:57:00.000+08:00

i wish that i could see past this page
but my eyes are dried from all your rage

a restful emptiness nears me
and i can feel it calling
i try to stand but i cant find the floor

for all the times youve thrown me
from where i thought i stood
for all the times you didnt stay
when you said you would

goodbye, goodbye my love.

2006-05-15T14:29:00.000+08:00

okayi love school and all
but i wish i could catch more sleep.
i think yesterdayi hit the point where im so stoned i couldnt even think straight
went out for my anniversary dinner..
oh yeah.
sherri stayed over and watched me paint.
she slept at five and i ...
didnt.
ahahah.
markweting project.
byebye.

2006-05-05T06:34:00.000+08:00

yes its past six in the morning and im still up.
did two assignments
and i have a bad feeling im gonna have to redo one of them.
neutral colours.
they annoy me at this point.
anyways, i spent my time from five till five thirty tryingto kill this gross cockroach
that was flying around my room.
it woke me from sleep after i lay my head down for about two hours?
I HATE BUGS.
anyway im looking forward to class
and i hope i have the strength to pay attention.

kace i dont want to fight with you over stupid things.

2006-04-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

i went shopping today!
i bought a shirt.
and as usual, its too long.
so i cut it and made the access into a head band.
so now it matches.
yay.
haha.

kace, kace.
sometimes i think youre more matured than i am
even though i have a strong belief that most boys are dumb.
haha.
you always talk things out and explain them to me.
you help me understand why some things arent nice and
i think we've done a great job at understanding.
youve grown up so much from that irritating kid who used to make noise during mass..
or well..
during every second of the day.
and ive learnt a lot from you.
because you bother to take the time to talk to me, to teach me.
thank you.

poly!
im gonna get an organiser.
cause..
i know im gonna get all confused.
organisers are good.
and i am rambling cause im tired.

simone.
i love you darling.
smile for me and for you too
cause you know that the sun will always shine from the inside out
you dont neeed the rays of others
you dont need the hurt and the pain.
you just need you
youre a darling and you deserve all the smiles in the world.
i love you!

2006-04-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

tp design school is freaking awesome.
these next three years are going to be the best ive ever experienced.
and for once in my life,
i cannot wait for school to start.

2006-04-16T22:31:00.000+08:00

something has been on my mind.
something im not sure we can be on the same page about
so i'll just wait and see.
and be happy for your success and talent in what you do.
be supportive of your passion.
i will.
because i love you.
and just being with you ive learned that you have such an incredible spirit and love for it
what's more is that i know how hard it is to break your spirit.
because youre so strong and so sure of what you want.
things ive never been able to be,
things that i admire about you.

im with you all the way in this.
no matter how it makes me feel sometimes.

i could never get you to believe all my fears.

2006-04-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

this is for donn.
i dont remember spreading anything about you
maybe i questioned when people told me that you're always saying how you havent done anything yet.
i gues that was my fault for not having any tact.
but we fell out when you couldnt stop getting mad at me and green was more important.
but thats alright.
never went on at you about it.
yup.
i dont know.
i didnt do anything.
i did not SPREAD RUMOURS
cause yes.
you are my friend.
and no kc will not hate you cause hes n ot that childish and he would never take sides with you.
and are you sure you havent said anything behind my back
cause im not.

2006-04-11T11:55:00.000+08:00

why did you take my charger allison
cause sherri needed it
oh so now your friends are more important than me?
i need to be contacted by doctors and friends allison
and my phone is down to only a few bars
when i ask you to charge my phone you shouldnt say can i give you your charger back
you should say okay mummy sorry that i took your charger, and i know you went to the doctors yesterday so you shouldnt be walking up and down the stairs.
that should be what you say.
youdont have appreciation or compassion for your parents
you have to do things for your parents
cause youre a child and thats what children do.
i have to understand you allison
i have to understand why you do these things
why must you take my charger and not return it
and you said sherri needed it
thats a very rude way of answering me you know
you should have said sorry mummy but my friend needed to charge her phone
you and brendon are very selfish children
when i ask him to do something its always why dont you ask ally
and when i ask you to charge my phone
you want to give me my charger
when i ask you to charge my phone, you charge it
when i ask you to do something, you do it
im your parent
you must do favours for your parents
when you take someting what must you do?
ask.
when youre done what must you do?
put it back.
yes, why is it so hard to do allison?
its a simple thing
everyone does it.

and i have to underastand you.
and i have to understand why you do these things.
sometimes its too much for me to sit and take.

2006-04-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

we ended up not watching v for vendetta AGAIN
cause of a lack of moneys.
we did have a nice wholesome.. (well sort of) meal at chippy's.
and i had a mango lingo.
its yummy stuff.
anyways.
it turns out that the camp at tp is a stayover thing
and i dont like stayover things with tonnes of people i dont know
plus, its for four days.
and i hope they dont make us do an amazing race thingum that sp was doing in town today
i dont have the stamina for those things.

-bag
-pony shoes
-collage tee
-ear rings.

if only i had the spendage.
which i dont.

and on my new found unhealthiness
i have decided to do something to my diet.. for at least three days
that helps right?
a kind of detox.
yeap.
i expect it wont last a day though.
i am in serious need of some discipline
anyone willing to lend me some?

2006-04-07T17:08:00.000+08:00

jo bought me pocky yesterday.
and sherri bought me pocky today.
i live a sweet life.
haha.
pocky is my new found glory.
and i just found out that the gig tomorrow will cost me five bucks~~idiotboyfriend~~
and so i will have to find some green.
which isnt easy considering i dont get allowance cause im not in school
i never really understood how that makes sense but whatever
i cant get the thought of school out of my head
yeah im excited but at the same time im scared, a little
new place, new people, new things..
all this all at once makes me so nervous i feel queezy.
oh crap i have to save money for movie.
help.
no more cheese pratas.
haha.

im looking forward to tomorrow
going to the zoo with my peoples
and then to the fourth ave. gig
and after that with kace to an acoustic set that caracal's playing.
hope nat and rese come.
havent seen them in a while
and rese who doesnt reply messages is hard to get hold of so
YOU BETTER COME RESE!

and once again im too lazy to go pick up my black pants.
blah blah blah.

2006-04-07T01:50:00.000+08:00

hello.
im freaking bored!
and today was funny.
quite messy.

i was supposed to go out with marie to collect my pants.
but she didnt reply me til like four thirty
by which time kace already asked me to go over
so i went over and bummed around
had some ribena.
then he got ready and we went to church for the vigil
BUT NOONE FROM CHOIR WAS THERE
so we stood around and talked until all the cat classes were assembling
and decided to go to jalan kayu to have dinner.
so we climbed over the gate to avoid the whole 'look theyre leaving halfway thing' from the grown ups
and when we were on the bus we didnt know whether to go back or not
so we both dressed up for nothing which i find annoying.
then by eight we were wondering what to do.
and we ended up going back to his place to watch tv.
haha.
it was so messy today.
and now im bored!

if your eyes were mine.

anyway i had fun today.
a lot of funny things happen when im with kc.

anyway i wanna see v for vendetta
and ice age two
and pirates of the carribean two
and that movie.. i cant remember.
i cant sleep.
im rambling cause ive gto nothing better to do.
blah blah blah bye.

2006-04-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

because you said, that we'd make it through.

i want a choo choo train.
like the one on tv.
with tracks that go round and round the christmas tree.

i just watched meet the barkers and they had a giant choo choo train.
and i want one!

2006-04-02T21:50:00.001+08:00

i've got a day and a reason
why I should not believe in..anything, anymore
what's this for?
my time well spent
i've got all these memories that i cannot believe in
cause i don't know where i've been all these years
all these years

and do you know this reason
i hope that you can see it cause i will not give up
and we all know what you've done again
i can see right through you
you're making your way over again, again

two days after leaving and i don't have a reason to keep you from being here
i don't steer these thoughts away
i know that you know this but i could never get you to believe all my fears
is this your clear?
i think so

and do you know this reason
i hope that you can see it cause i will not give up
and we all know what you've done again
i can see right through you
you're making your way over again, again, again and again

we all know what youve done again.
and i dont know why but everythings all a big blur and for once im not bothering to clear it up.
cause ive done it so many times for the stupidest reasons only ending up in the same place.
so go ahead and i'll let it be.
freak out all you want while i let it go.
cause before this i was fine.
i dont need it.

i'll send the rain your way.

2006-04-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

2006-04-01T02:12:00.000+08:00

thank you baby (:
i heart u 2 mash too.

2006-03-31T23:52:00.000+08:00

help.

so here we go again
with all the things we've said
and not a minute spent
to think that we'd regret
so we just take it back
these things, and hold our breath
forget the things we swore we meant.

and i hope everything is alright.
i love you nat.
im sorry.

2006-03-30T23:37:00.000+08:00

give me a chance to say goodbye
before one more of my friendships dies
give me a chance for one more kiss
for one more laugh
for another day's bliss.
give me one more
just one more day
before i give you my heart
and send you away
let me just once
be who i want to be
let me just once
feel alright to be free
from all your troubles and all your pain
all your ignorance while i waited in the rain
all the loss of truth and hope
all those times we couldnt cope
just once more i'd let you scream at me
cause after this i'll be gone.

2006-03-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

sexy.
im doing awesome (:
and i love you!

nat.
you know that you add to my hapiness darling.
i love you (:

hetty.something from long ago.
baby dont cry
wipe your face and dry your eyes
baby dont cry
i need your funny smiles
baby dont you cry
have faith in you and i
baby dont you cry
you have my love and it wont die.

i love you hetty.
and no im not a lesbian.
and no hetty is not my mistress.

i love you kace!
my boyfriend is the ~~coolest(:~~dorkiest.

i got my diary today!
finally.
ive decided to use it for myself and get a book with dates.
since lately ive had nowhere to write lyrics in or draw.
and frankly i miss it.
i bought a hellofalot of things today.
- 2 pairs of red undies
- a dress
- jeans
- 3 shirts
- heels
- sneakers
- lip balm
- face mask
- face wash
- conditioner
- anti-frizz serum :/
when it gets humid i look like simba.

okay! so theres a fourth avenue gig next saturday at ij studio (whatever that is)
and im looking forward to it already.
the last gig was freaking awesome.
i'm also looking forward to visiting the aminals at the zoo next weekend.
i miss the aminals.
theyre so cute and fuzzy.
except for disgusting hippos.
pleh.
too bad kace and kenneth will have to miss it!
jam jam jam.
haha.

i cant wait to see dhini tomorrow.
i miss her sooo.
i got my atm card today!
kace is positive that i'll spend all my money in a day but i wont!
i have money control.
and that did not make sense.
i can control my spending.
yes i can.
i'll just complain a lot.
haha
my poor friends.

so cherish these days
enjoy every breath llike it will be the last of your life
and never look back
because you wont forget why you cried.

i cant wait to go to school.
i pray to god i get sleep at least five days a week.
ive heard horror stories about vsc.
haha.
mostly from my collegues at y&r
and they make me feel sleepy already.
but its alright.
it'll be great!
plus im going with simone which makes it all the more fun.
and i can wear whatever i want!
now now.. gotta control my spending.
and im off to see the wizard,
the wonderful wizard of oz.

barbecue pictures.

dhini sherri and shaunna.

dhini and i.

isnt she lovely, isnt she wonderful.

always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

2006-03-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

so this is happiness.
so this is peace.

this time, we're not giving up.

2006-03-24T10:10:00.000+08:00

somehow everything's gonna fall right into place
if only we had a way to make it all
fall faster everyday
if only time flew like a dove
god make it fly, faster than i'm falling in love.

this time, we're not giving up
let's make this last forever
screaming, hallelujiah
we'll make this last forever.

2006-03-23T20:23:00.000+08:00

screwed up my book.
i gotta get something small with dates so i can carry it around.
im confuzzed.
pfft.
i dont know what to do.
this is such a simple situation.
fix my book or get a new one.

so this is how it goes
but without you i will feel so small.

2006-03-23T00:18:00.000+08:00

what i want.

- an organiser, because school schedules confuse me.

you know what.
thats actually all i want right now.

2006-03-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

and if you have to go
well always know that
you shine brighter than anyone does.

but if you take whats yours then i'll take mine.
and if you run away
i'll stand and wave goodbye
watching you shine bright.

amen!
haha.
i love orange juice.
and no leo im not annorexic.
anyone who knows me knows that will never happen.

2006-03-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

cant say im sad to see you go
cause im not
well, im not.

come gentle friend
wont sit by me?

im bored to tears and so is russell but knowing he's bored isnt any entertainment on my part is it?
haha.

2006-03-21T11:19:00.000+08:00

im not at work today.
got cramps.
not a good feeling.
haha.
therefore not at work.
im feeling uber hungry right now but im contemplating the consequences of food early in the morning.
eat when youre hungry they say.
but what if im hungry but not hungry enough to feed myself?
they dont say anything about that,
they call it an eating disorder
which as a matter of fact, i do not have.
i eat.
when i feel like it.
i do NOT starve myself.
so my parents and the rest of my family need to stop telling me.
im eating!
i have lunch.
i have dinner.
or a big meal in between.
i eat.
and thats that.

anyway im about to spend the rest of today bored.
so i think i'll start on my project today.
should be able to finish it by the time dinner's put out.
bye all.

2006-03-19T23:39:00.000+08:00

polaroid.

i went shopping today.

today in points.

- woke up at 0630
- rushed to church
- went to sell cds
- went for mass
- went to town
- bought two awesome shirts
- hans sandwhich for lunch
- bought ear rings
- sent gayle to nydc
- cab home to daryls
- waited for him to find his socks
- talked to his parrot
- left for jalan kayu
- met sherri jo hetts and nikki.
- teh chino for dinner
- caught up
- walked back to nikkis
- dad picked me up
- home sweet home

2006-03-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

tell me where our time went
and if it was time well spent
just don't let me fall asleep
feeling empty again

cause i fear i might break
and i fear i can't take it
tonight i'll lie awake
feeling empty

i can feel the pressure
it's getting closer now
we're better off without you
i can feel the pressure
it's getting closer now
we're better off without you

now that I'm losing hope
and there's nothing else to show
for all the days that we spent
carry away from home

some things I'll never know
and I had to let them go
i'm sitting all alone
feeling empty

i can feel the pressure
it's getting closer now
we're better off without you
i can feel the pressure
it's getting closer now
we're better off without you
without you

some things I'll never know
and I had to let them go
some things I'll never know
and I had to let them go
but I'm sitting all alone
feeling empty

i can feel the pressure
it's getting closer now
we're better off without you
i can feel the pressure
it's getting closer now
you're better off without me

2006-03-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

every soul a sparkle, painting the stars in my sky.

curious.
its a shame.
memories make me smile now.
not cry.
at least i had the chance.

and everyday a new day.
a blank canvas for me to
spread my thoughts.

i think i can write again.
HAHA.

2006-03-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

its like we were just kids.
four or five.
and now our world has changed.
from purple skies to the plain old blue.

im speechless
so impressed
ive forgotten all my pain.

i dont feel a pain in the pit of my stomach anymore.
i dont feel an emptiness anymore.
im one piece.
all over again.

imlettingitallgo.
for what its worth, this all puts a smile on my face.

2006-03-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

everyday, everyday i wake up
and hear you whisper my name
and hear you breathe a little prayer
but its not the same
ignoring every word you say
every word that you tell me
oh, be still
just be still.

everybody's got something for me to do
and my head is filled with thoughts of everything but you
i never listen to anything you say
and fall into submission to everything but you
everyday

i go to your house
and fall on my knees the very next morning
and cry out please
would you take this life, i call my own
and let your house become my home
oh, be still
oh, be still
jesus.

the less i care about what happens in the end.
the HAWTTER my life will be.
life's a journey.
go figure!

2006-03-13T23:34:00.000+08:00

we made plans to be unbreakable.

if you'd just trust in me
i know
we'd do all the things
that you dream to do
if you'd just let go
if you let your heart go

take me past the colour of your eyes
take me from the past of all my mistakes
to where the future lies
and i know that my moods are changing like the weather
do you ever dream of us together
now i just want to show you who i am

remember when i used to be your everything
~~now i'm nothing at all~~
hollding on to dreams, we collide
we had our future
our reasons
our fingers on the trigger
when we base our joy on the things that we see
trusting it all
the things we believe.

if you'd just trust in me.

trust me, i tried.
i tried to let you go.
but i cant move on.
i cant mmove on.

i'll die, trying to be.

had a really crazy evening.
it was seriously insane.
i almost smoked a leaf.
but i didnt.
haha.
a leaf.
went for mass then for dinner then to shaunna's.
well we were at the park before that.
and niccole was supposed to come but she bailed cause she had to go for dinner.
it was so fun.
really.

2006-03-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

instincts are misleading
you shouldnt think what youre feeling.
they dont tell you what you know you should want.

no my instincts dont tell me what i know in my heart i want.
my instincts tell me things which make me change my mind.
and in the end im just in a big mess of all my stupid thoughts.
i shouldnt think what im feeling
i should just feel what i feel in my heart and go along with it.
i have to look forward and let go of whats behind me.
only keeping my happy memories with the people i love.
and make new happy memories as i go along.
i have to do these things.
and they shouldnt be hard.
they shouldnt be hard.
i know theyre not supposed to.
they wont be.
they are things ive learnt these past few weeks
things i never even thought of that much in the past.
i dont want to grow up.
i want to be six again.
when the world was new and every inch of ground was something fascinating
and every new place was an adventure; a place to explore.
when the air was fresh.
and i was happy unless my brother bullied me.
where every little thing was so much more.
six was a place where nothing got in my way.
i want to be there.
but as i got older i took on responsibilities and made commitments.
when i was six all that wasnt any of my concern.
days filled with fun and ice cream.
i remember the amount of ice cream.
and now i hardly have any.
six was a time i felt free.
free as a child exploring her own life.
six was a time i didnt remember things that got me down or people that let me down.
now i try to look to the positive side of things.
learning how to get better at it everyday.
patience.
is a virtue i lacked from the moment i was concieved.
this im also geting better at, believe me.
its easier when i stop to think why someone is being unreasonable.
cause i know i can be most times.
ive been happy a lot more now a days.
but things get hard sometimes.
and i want to run away and hide but i know i cant.
because im not six anymore.
noone's there to take it all away.
but people are there to make me understand and make me smile.
make me feel happy.
and i know i shouldnt run away cause that doesnt solve anything.
i'm growing up.
everyday.
and the only way im going to be a happy person is if i know how to handle things on my own.
life's complicated now.
im sixteen.
and im lucky to at least have memories as sweet as those with me now.
from my childhood.
and years leading up till now.

i wont waste another moment.
i'm off to see the world.

2006-03-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

caracal's set today was fucking awesome.
last few songs were STEAM.
and i think that through the discord's set was awesome too.
im their newest fan :D
HAHA.
ive never felt so amped at a gig before.
sang and screamed my lungs out.
i also got to see all my best friends and RESE!
and im so so happy.
miss them already.
especially my best friend the bassist from CARACAL.
blah blah blah.
saw nat my tweenie.
she looks even tinier in black clothes.
haha.
and i havent eaten since twelve so im fucking starving!
ho gawd.

wake up
dont go to sleep
dont go.
dont leave me here.
i need you.

2006-03-10T09:51:00.000+08:00

i found out last night that i WAS living in the past.
and youre not who i was holding on to,
so i'm officially single now.
thanks for explaining how whats you used to be is in the past
"used to being the key words ally"
yup.
okay!
so im looing forward to the gig tonight cause i havent been to one in AGES
since i started studying for o's.
and rese wants me to go.
quite frankly i wanna see her too!
plus martin's leaving for the police academy.
and so this cant be missed.
im getting a new phone today!
this makes me happy.
even though im using my pay to get it.
hopefully all the probs my old phone was giving me wont happen with this one.
although i did spill water all over my old one.
oh well!
new phone new phone.
and today is also my last day of work.
so im gonna be free for a month and a half,
doing absolutely nothing,
yup.

growing up, and growing apart.

2006-03-08T22:32:00.000+08:00

i just love the chocolate.

2006-03-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

spent an entire workday with this guy at the office.
his name's wei cheng.
and he graduated from tp a year or two ago.
he's got the cutest personality i tell you.
you just wanna squish his face.
and he got me SO hooked on coldplay.
he listens to indie and so he's cool.
haha.
yeah so im a coldplay freak today.
anyways my piani exam's on saturday which stinks.
but tomorrow im going to top shop on my linch break to pick up a few things.
shopping is seriously good for you.
haha.
retail therapy they call it.
and i gotta go book shopping again.
i read a book in a day now.
yup.
and ive none left.
borders here i come!

i saw sparks.

2006-03-07T13:00:00.001+08:00

somehow i feel like im living in the past.
and what you are now is what i dont want.
i wish youd get a life and listen to your own mind and heart instead of his.
cause he's really just blinking self centered and stupid.
i know this is all for a reason.
why you listen to everything he says
and do everything he tells you
so im staying out of it.
but i just dont know how anyone could even allow themselves to be controlled by a person like him.
really.
you say you love him so much.
i understand.
i just dont know why you'd want be something else
i really cant understand it.
i dont think i ever will.
but i'll continue to be your best friend.
cause you used to be there for me.
its the least i can do.
i realised last night that youre completely changed from who you were in the past.
the way you talk.
the way you do things.
and i know why.
but im not going to say here.
weve done well as friends.
and i just hope that in time to come you will find yourself
and be who you really are.
cause thats what i loved about you.
and although i know in my heart and head that ive decided not gonna wait around for that person to return
i'll be here if ever you need somebody.

wake up
dont go to sleep
i'm ~~nothing~~ without you
don't go
dont leave me here
i need you.

2006-03-07T13:00:00.000+08:00

2006-03-07T12:56:00.000+08:00

look its lunch time.
wow.
cause my dad left without giving me any money.
and my brother who had all the money left for lunch without me.
then when i call to ask him to buy something back for me
he gets all pissed and hangs up the phone.
so great i'll just fucking starve.

2006-03-07T10:37:00.000+08:00

all the comfort in your voice is gone.
i wonder if im still just living in the past.
at least theres no commitment here so i can just do whatever i want to do about it
without it being a big deal.
i dreamt last night that i kissed this really hawt boy.
haha.
must have something to do with what i was thinking about before i went to sleep.
no more dreams that make me all depressed!
everything that i loved about us, is lost gone for good.
i'd stay if you wanted to keep me.
you know this whole thing just gives me a headache and i just really cant be bothered anymore.
school is gonna be a bomb.
rp or tp.
if i go to rp, bea and nat are there plus its a course i'd enjoy.
if i get to go to tp, i met someone going there and her name is simone.
and i will enjoy that course too.